Hey Krim bro, you white muthafucka. We need more cash, bro.
Ja, ja, whatever, Honkey. Hey, you like mein new party mix? I mix all ze losers and weirdos up together, and hey presto, I have ein party!
Yeah bro, but for real, we need to up the spend if we want to win and stop you getting deported. The polls are not good.
Nein, nein, zey have never been gut, zat is why der glorious fatherland invaded zem.
(sings) Deutscheland Deutscheland uber alles.......
Look, Krim Bro, we need to refocus. The rank and file, well, $13 an hour just isn't doing it for them. We could lose a lot of candidates. Minto's sweet still, but Beyer's going awol and Laila's threatening to let her hair down, or grow back, or whatever.
Ha, ze tranny and ze granny. Don't worry Honkey, if zey get out of der line, I will hack into der computers and threaten to reveal some embarassing secrets.
So, Krim, I didn't want to mention this, bro, but word is you haven't actually paid any of the bills? Are you sweet for the cash, bro?
Ja, of course, it's just der cash flow thing; mein assets are still freezing, der treaty claim that I put in like you suggested has not been recognised.
Those white muthafuckers. Did you say you were Ngati Fatyouare like I told you?
Ja, all der stuff. Ze girl at ze interview, gott in himmel, what ein hottie, she ask me about Tangata Whenua, I say I would rather Tangata orgasm but I zink she is not getting der joke.
Shit. Look, Krim, they have no sense of humour, those people. You've stuffed that one up. Looks like we are up shit creek without a paddle, bro.
You could use ze one I was spanking Mona with?
Just a figure of speech, bro. Hey, got anything to eat, I'm starving; where are all those pies I brought?
Ha, I ate zem all. Zo, Honkey, good news: I have ze cunning plan....or should I say ze Cunliffing plan!
You bloody what?
Ja, is genius. We get Cunliffe to add another tax, no-one will notice one more with all ze taxes he is planning to bring in - and we borrow in advance against it to pay our campaign bills
Er......how will we get him to give us the money?
Ees simple. Either he is giving us ze dollars, or I am publishing ze other emails.
Ja, ja, ze ones between him and ze blogger Dolphin Juice
I've never heard of Dolphin Juice, bro?
Nein, he doesn't exist, but he will when I set up ze account and fake der back history of emails.
And you can do that?
Ja, is easy.
Jeez, Krim, you're one cunning white muthafucker.
Danke, Honey, es is gut, ja?
Sweet as bro!