P: Right come on you lot, let's get this started, we have half an hour to spend half a million bucks. According to the Holmes cow, if we don't use it, we lose it. Nice of those bastards at AC to tell me, not, think how stupid I feel finding out because of the Blogmonster!
S: I have some ideas
P: No,no you, you're still in the naughty corner
J: Yes, shut the fuck up, you stupid stupid cow, just shut up, right, else I'll batter the fuck out of you. Got it?
P: Everything OK, John?
J: Sure, why?
P: Oh, nothing. Now lets go round the table and see what people come up with. Hang on, where's B1?
B2: She called, she missed the ferry again
J: The stupid fucking cow, I'll have her, the bitch, I'll do her for this.
P: Yeah, thanks John, I think that covers it. OK, B2, you go first.
B2: Don't you think my hair looks pretty like this?
J: What the fuck have you done to it this time, you silly tart?
B2: Ooh, John, you are so angry. Think of God, my friend, let his peace wash over you. Anyway, I think we should build a new Church. A pretty one with rainbows, flowers and pixies
P: Nice idea, love it! How about you, John?
J:What the fuck do you care what I think, you stupid bastard. But if you are asking, I think we should completely waste it. Maybe just burn it.
P: OK, interesting, it certainly has some recent precedent, one for the short list, for sure.
B: (arrives breathless) Hi everyone, sorry I am late, I have been shoulder deep in some stupid remuera bint and ......
P: Thanks B1, we get the picture. Hey, listen, we are having a meeting about spending money, we've got heaps and it all has to go. Any ideas?
B1: Well.....I know, how about a helicopter to get me to and from the city quickly?
P: No, I don't think so. We agreed I would be the only one who could jaunt about in choppers, don't you remember? It was at the meeting where we agreed to rotate deputy chairs
B: Ooh, I love musical chairs. Can we play some tracks by Aqua? I love them.
J (mutters) Fucking retarded twat, I'll fucking swing for her, so help me
P: OK, well if that's all
S (jumps up and down with the hand in the air) Me, me, I have some ideas
P: Christ. OK, go one then, if you must
S: Well, for starters, we could improve a number of footpaths. Extra commuter parking at Matiatia. The old library space needs an upgrade, there could be another plaque with your name on Paul.
P: true, true, go on
S: And then of course we could do all those events we cancelled; the Santa Parade and so on.
J: Fucking Santa, the bastard, bloody socks is all that twat brings, I fucking hate him.
P: Ok, thanks for those ideas, Shizzo, maybe a bit progressive for a first term, but certainly food for thought. Right, here's what we have decided. $200k on a top of the range Board Sealegs. Now you lot won't need to get too involved in this, I am happy to handle the maintenance and storage, but it is an essential bit of kit, after all, we are an island. $100k for some horses, saddles etc - we really need to push this riding thing for the tourists. Look, I tell you what, we can stable them at mine, save a few bob. Then $180k on a feasibility study into which firms we should be using for future feasibility studies. Stan Johnsfield's got plenty of time on his hands right now, so I suggest we offer him the chance to administer it. I'll bet he'll jump at it.
Now, that just leaves $30k. Petty cash, really. B2, we need more pics of you in the press, but I hate that new hair colour, so I suggest we spring for a new do. How much did that one cost? Right, so that's $27 for B2's hair.
Any other ideas?
J: How about we hire a hitman to rub out that stupid cow Holmes and her gang or supporters. Twats the lot of them, stupid bastards.
P: Now that does have some merit, John. Indeed it does. Do we know anyone? No? OK, well looks like we've got ourselves another feasibility study, folks. John, you have $29k plus change to go find us a shooter.
Excellent, all spent. I think we can give ourselves a pat on the back, team. That's how local government should be conducted. Good work.