Interesting to see the Pope back in the news again this week. No, not The Pope, not even Tony, Sandra, Chris or Rodney of that ilk. In fact, not a Pope that anyone has ever met. I refer of course to the mysterious Miranda Pope, the canoeing ecowarrior who heads the crusade against those nasty villains at the golf club, who according to Miranda, have been systematically dumping toxic waste all over Rangihoua Park for fun.
Miranda is of course a fictitious character. She does not exist. She is a cowardly nom-de-plume for some hidden agenda. What is curious is that she can lie dormant for months, much like the herpes virus, then flare up suddenly and viciously whenever the Golf Club, and the proposed Walden Family Trust rezoning and subdivision is mentioned.
There has been much speculation about the identity of Miranda, and it's time to debunk a few myths, rule out a few obvious non starters, and see if we can't guess at the person behind this bilious purveyor of lies and general bilge. Amongst the names suggested to me my Miranda watchers are Merran Lawyer, Franky Hill, Susu Newborn, Hue Ross and everyone's favourite green lister, Denise Roach.
I must admit, the Roach angle intrigued me for a while. After all, on WIPP, when she speaks, Miranda has an audience, and I could see how compelling a possibility it would be for someone who is accustomed to talking into a vacuum, a chamber devoid of bodies. But I was forced to discount it for two reasons: first, Miranda, for all her faults, appears to be genuinely green. Second, surely no MP would be dumb enough to tell lies under a false identity in a era when tracing IP addresses is so easy? OK, fair enough, perhaps she is one for the short list after all.
It was easy to strike a line through Hue Ross; it always is. He lacks the calm composure required to play the role. And he can't even spell Hue correctly. Lord knows he would struggle with some of the longer words with which Miranda seeks to cloud her lack of facts.
Hill I discarded immediately. She lacks the subtlety and creativity for such a stratagem. Miranda is invidious, but not malevolent.
Which brings us to Susu Newborn. At first glance, she appears to have many of the credentials required. But oh, the irony - Waiheke's most vociferous supporter of lost causes, duped into being the cat's paw for a rogue property development, how delicious a prospect. But no, I will absolve Susu on the grounds that she simply has not the time. Why only last week she saved the rare Kardashian Seal from being hunted to extinction by the harpoon fishermen of the Albanian marshes, single handedly prevented a droughtt in Dublin and was markedly influential in persuading the Fukarwe pygmies who dwell amongst the grasslands of the Umbotu Gorge from continuing their bizarre ritual of forcing their womenfolk to give birth. Plus she's just not smart enough.
Which leaves us with just one candidate. Could it be? All those sneaky meeting with influential board members must be for some reason? That bulky file she carries secreted under her jumper must contain something? I recall, some time ago (I still have a screenshot) of a private message received from the EW legal beagle on the subject of Miranda's true identity. It expressed curiosity, but to be honest, only served to confirm my suspicions, that either she was Miranda, or part of a Miranda movement.
But still there's doubt. There's a turn of phrase, an aridity of sentiment about the Miranda posts which makes me wonder if perhaps it is someone else. There are other candidates, of course. After all, we all know of one person who has made something of a habit recently out of writing anonymous lies, although she sends letters, rather than posting on WIPP.
But I am curious, and that's why I have decided to invest $600 with a client of mine who specialises in tracing such people - it will be fun to find out! Who do you think it will be? By Jerry Flay
Several commentators have asked me to publish their blogs on my site. The blogs on this page are not my own nor do they necessarily reflect my views. However, I do believe there is a need for a place where differing voices to those allowed in the local media can be expressed.